Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Awkward date story Link up

I know I should be sharing my pics from our wonderful holiday weekend or sharing my stories of (non) weight loss or doing housework or teaching my kid to recognize letters and the other one a nursery rhyme or six. Instead I'm doing a linkup with another blog because I, obviously, have my priorities in line.
But seriously, a chance to tell an awkward date story? Mmmmkay!!!! I had a hard time choosing one. I had to put the one where the balding, pencil thin mustache guy told me it was sexy when I spit my gum out to the side, because that's just a story that makes me thankful that I didn't end up on Dateline NBC as the girl that was too nice to tell the balding pencil thin mustache man that she didn't want to go jet skiing on a first date. Wow. Even 15 years later I am still so glad to be alive.

So, let's back up. 9 years ago. I am single, working night shifts in the ICU and living with 2 other nurses. We all liked to drink on our off days. My one roomate, well, when she drank she turned into an alter ego,Felicia. Felicia was really fun, but a lot to handle. Felicia once got out of the car while we were getting our order at a drive through and peed next to the car. Felicia's boyfriend (now husband) once yelled outside my door that I needed to go get her off of the front lawn because she said she needed her girls. Felicia once rode in the back of a truck after a night at a bar and flashed truckers. My friend as her normal self is now 32 and has two kids and is an Advanced Practice Nurse. We see each other at work and each other's kids' birthday parties and meet up at the zoo for playdates. Times have changed. We don't see Felicia much anymore. I miss her a little.

Well, one night, I'm working and I get a call, in the ICU, from Felicia at 2am telling me that she just met the "hottest guy" and she'd been nice enough to give him my number.  Being the idiot, sad, overworked, overtired single girl I was, I answered the phone when he called. And he was so nice, and eager to go on a date (I'm sure Felicia had really amped up my looks) and it was so close to Valentine's and I was single and pitiful, so I accepted. Something inside me was smart enough to suggest a lunch date.

And when he suggested CeCe's Pizza? I should have changed my number.

I suggested Chili's. The guy calls me twice to make sure I'm coming. I was too nice back then. Way too nice. I still met him. To say "Felicia" was wrong about the extreme hotness is a little of an understatement. Its been 9 years, so my memory is vague and I've tried to tune out the bad parts, so its probably a little off, but this is what I remember seeing.

And, bless his heart, HE WAS SO THIN! After my original shock that Ryan Reynolds himself hadn't shown up for my date, based on Felicia's description, I started getting worried about his general well being. He sat down across from me and the waist of his pants, literally, went up to his nipple line. 

We sit down and have one of the most uncomfortable conversations ever. It was painful really. He is a security guard at some office building and likes to watch wrestling and lives with his mom and we have zilcho in common. Anyone that knows me knows I can talk to a wall. I had nothing to say. Nothing. I am leaving directly from the date to drive to see my sister and I kind of act like I really need to get going. We walk to my car and I give him an awkward half hug and get in my car. 10 seconds later my cell phone starts going off. ITS HIM. He is calling me from 3 cars down. "Hey, I was wondering how you think our date went." I was literally looking at him, 3 cars away, and talking to him about the date. This poor cat. He had no skillz. I kid you not, he then asked me to be his Valentine. I asked him to give me time to, at minimum, pull out of the parking lot of the establishment we'd just had the date at before I could answer any questions. He called me like 3 more times that night and about 3 more times the next day before I told him I didn't have those lovin' feelings and could he maybe, oh bless your heart, lose my number?

Now everyone knows why, two months later, when I "remet" Rob at a bar, I pretty much lassoed him and married him a year later. You only go on a creepy date where the guy calls you from the parking lot once before you learn to keep a good thing.


  1. Wow, the Alfalfa picture had me laughing hysterically. Thanks for linking up with me and Jenn!

  2. What is up with the clingers! Great story and thanks for linking up with Val and me!

  3. First of all, I like Felicia I think I might be the former Alicia of my crew:) And the best part of this is the CeCe's suggestion!