Friday, August 14, 2009

Muffin tops, baby shelfs and dunlaps

Mom jeans-when I was in my younger years (the years of birth to 28 1/2) I always thought that mom jeans were worn by uncool moms. That it was simply a Fashion NO that certain moms didn't adhere to. I thought they enjoyed having jeans, pants, and capris up to their bosoms.

Muffin top-That layer of soft belly that hangs over the top of your waistline.

Dunlap-"my stomach has done lapped over my pants."

Baby shelf-the unfortunate drawback of getting a c-section. They take your already stretched out stomach, take out a kid out, and then sew the area they messed with as tight as possible leaving a random skinny area at the bottom of your stomach for your jiggly belly to hang over.

For the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy my stomach had stretchy contractions every 3-7 minutes around the clock. I'm saving up for the tummy tuck penny by penny. Until that day comes, I'll be tucking my dunlap, muffin top, and baby shelf into some awesome mom jeans. Yep, I rock the mom jean. With pride. What they don't tell you (and really, its best they don't, cause I'm sure it would stop some from procreating) is that the mom jean is not a choice, but a must. And all the moms wearing them are actually doing all of us a huge favor. They aren't just tucking what is best tucked in. They are saving us from booty crack sightings and granny panties hanging out. I was unaware of the lunging, squating, and crawling that is invloved in changing, playing with, and nurturing a child.

Case scenario #1-I was at my neice's dance recital when we smelled a viscous odor coming from Rylan's diaper region. I took him to the bathroom, where I learned they had no changing table. So, in true mommy fashion I plopped my bambino down on the floor (with changing pad and layers of extra clothes, no worries) and started changing the offensive diaper. During this time intermission was called and little tu-tu with stage mom after little tu-tu with stage mom came rolling in and the first thing they saw when they opened the door was my booty up in the air as I bent over changing a diaper. I know that some stage moms are cool, like my sister-in-law (who probably rocks the mom jean and had some on that day), but you know the stage mom I'm speaking of. The ones that look like The Real Housewives of Orange County. They would not have taken kindly to a show. Mom jeans to the rescue, they stayed in place during my awkward squat/diaper change position when the trendy low-riders would have given the big show.

Case scenario #2-Took Rylan to the doctor and wore some pre-pregnancy low ridin' capris. He was trying to pull himself up on a toy and fell over. I rushed over and squatted to help him up when I hear "mommy, her panties are leapord skin." Yep, could have used some mom capris.

I went shopping with my mom a few weekends ago and found myself doing the "diaper change on the floor" test with some capris I tried on. They passed. I have them on right now.

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