Sunday, August 26, 2012

Letting it all hang out

I gots something to say. I toyed with the idea of starting an entirely new blog to discuss this matter. Because it seemed to be about ME, not Rob and Sara plus one plus one more. And I don't want to bog down my family's blog with my issues.

But, I realized, my issues affect my family. And when I fix my issues, my family will benefit. And, I need my family's help to fix my issues. And, I'd like to show others with the same issues that they can fix these issues, even though they are crazy busy with a crazy family.

So, here goes. I shall bare my soul and let it all hang out.

So I weigh a whole lot more than I'd like to. I have a theory, that you can only blame post baby weight on your babies until they are 2. And, Max will be 2 in October. Truth be told? I owned 20 of the lbs I'd like to lose pre-Rylan. I was sometimes in a size 12, alot of times in a size 14. I gained 40 pounds with Rylan. Then I dropped the weight I gained with Rylan. To the exact pound and stopped. My body LOVES those 20lbs it owned pre-baby. Then I got pregnant with Max a minute later and gained the exact amount I had gained with Rylan (40 ice cream filled pounds). Which I was able to lose, to the exact number, once again, that I weighed before both children. My body SERIOUSLY LOVES those 20lbs.

Then.....I got Death Fever Feet arthritis, then I broke a toe, then I had to go on steroids like a bazillion times in a row, then I fell down some stairs and sprained my ankle, and now I have these woman issues causing me to have all kinds of crazy hormone imbalances and my body thinks its pregnant (its not) and shouldn't lose weight. During all these unfortunate events, I've been shoving large amounts of food at my pie hole and not exercising enough.  So, that 20 lbs that I needed to lose? Turned into 40 pounds that I need to lose.

It ain't pretty.

Really, really ain't pretty.

But maybe it COULD be pretty? Maybe I could turn it all around and start doing lots lots lots better? Maybe I could tell Death Fever and sprained ankles and fire ants and steroids and Adenomyosis (my lady part problem's name) to SUCK IT and get skinny despite all their meanness? Maybe life handed me lemons and I'll make calorie free lemonade?

In my adult life, I've been anywhere from a size 8/10 to a 14. Recently, I had to suck it up (and, suck it in) and buy my first ever size 16's. This is something I swore I would never do. Ever. I didn't even do this post baby.  Other people carry a size 16 and look awesome. I am 5'1 and I don't carry a size 16 well. I also have arthritic post Death Fever feet that would LOVE to have 40 pounds less to deal with. And while I like a woman being a curvy lady and not a bag of bones, I also like a healthy heart and a diabetes free body. I'd rather fix the issue now, before such problems start. I also want to feel healthy and comfortable and run and play with my kids and I want someone to say "Sara, take a pic!' and me not want to hide behind a plant, or my kid, or my husband. I want to look at said pics and think "look at me having fun with my family!" not "ugh, chins for days, boobs for weeks!"

UGH! chins for days, boobs for weeks!

Pretty sure I grew, the coat didn't shrink

So, I'm letting it all hang out on our blog. I need to lose 40 pounds. And I'm gonna bore you with the details of how I get that done. Because what will give me more umph than knowing I need to blog about my success. I've thought and prayed and asked advice about whether to put it on the blog. Whether it mattered to me that my far away family and friends and slight aquatences and, even, strangers would know my size, my struggles, and my worries. And, like I said before, I considered starting a whole new blog to document my weight loss. But then I had Rob take my before pic. The one where I wear an outfit that I will wear every time I reach a five pound milestone to show my before and after.One that looks kinda rough now and will look better as time goes on. And these two little friends showed up and grabbed my hands. And I realized, its about US, not me. And I decided right then and there that maybe other women could watch me and see that I could do this with no gym, no special diet, just a lot of heart and a whole lot of willpower. And maybe they could be inspired, as I have been by other women that did such a thing. Or my family that loves me could just watch me go from fat to not fat and say "yay Sara."

August 20, 2012. Me, my extra 40, my two crazies and my stalker dog. 

1 comment: