Learning to love me

Its about to get deep up in here ya'll.

So, one day I tried on an outfit and came out and said "how do I look?" Before Rob could get a word out, our 4.5 year old says "you have a fat belly" and smiles, rubbing my stomach.

Terrible story.

Before you start hating on my 4.5 year old, and advising me about therapy and military academies, let me just tell you who you can blame for him saying that.

Muah. Me. Sara Self Hater. Batman and Spiderman and Super Why and Team Umi Zoomi don't tell each other they have fat bellies. Kids at school talk about farts and poop and nose picking to get in trouble, they don't randomly come up with "fat belly." Words like skinny and fat, ugly and such are taught by haters. Ry-bear is so young and unknowing that he thought he was saying something nice to me. He was smiling and happy with his "compliment." He got those very words out of my mouth. Because I've said them. A lot. I was the hater.

We are living in a world full of bullying and name calling and prejudice and my biggest bully is myself. Children learn hate from the house. Max, at 3, still hasn't noticed the color of another kid's skin. Rylan once ran at the owner of our favorite sushi place and hugged him so hard that he almost knocked him over.   That business is taught at home.  I'm not going to get into political business, but I seriously want the world to love each other no matter what race, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation one might have. Sooooooo.....why don't I love myself like that?

I'm trying. I really am.  Self doubt is a naughty thing. It happens as a mother, as a nurse, as a homemaker, as a human living in the very short, voluptous body with giant feet. (seriously, I'm 5'1, wear a DDD bra and size 9.5 shoe! That ain't right! Maybe my large feet are the only thing keeping my boobs from completely knocking me over).

For some reason, my first step to trying was buy myself some clothes. Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear always told people in my position to not wait to buy clothes for your future skinnier self. They wanted the women to "dress the body you have now and if you do it correctly, you'll lose weight without even shedding a pound." So, I've done that. I saw a girl around my size wearing skinny jeans and boots, something that I once thought impossible for a gal like me. I bought some and I likey. I'm still working on the "look" but I'm working on it.

Another thing I've done is SHUT UP about needing to eat right and work out and I've simply DONE IT! I worked out four days last week and cleaned my house for several hours one day of the weekend and did a three hour case when I got called in to work on Saturday that required standing and moving that whole time, followed by a trip to the museum with my boys. Working out and simply MOVING were a high priority. And may I say we had such a better week?

I've dropped the negative self talk. When I went to MOPS conference last month, I went to a session where they challenged us to name 5 things we liked about ourselves. Things like that are hard for me, but in several aspects of my life, I do this: embrace the positive not the negative. Its time to do that for myself. And really for my kids. I have never dogged my kids, especially their appearance, but you'd be surprised what a random "you are such a funny kid, thank you for making me laugh" will do for your child. Or "I love you green eyes, they make you so handsome." Boys need positive affirmation too. These things are forgotten. And I need to find positives about myself that involve my physical and also my non-physical.

Okay, I'm done with the deep. I'll be posting pics of my kids acting like looney bins and me on my way to reduce this muffin top soon.

Halloween

Warning: blurry i-phone pics---->straight ahead!

So, last week, whilst Rob and I were in Austin, Halloween was a-brewin'. We have a new church that sponsors a Hallelujah night, and the kids have their school party. They've never been in school for Halloween before. I felt I NEEDED to come home in time to get them, so I left Rob in Austin a day before his conference was over and headed home.

I literally, landed, got the car out of the parking garage and drove to Bald Knob to meet my wonderful parents, who traveled farther than our usual halfway mark. As soon as I got there my beautiful children pulled in and I started waving like a crazy mom.......and locked my keys in my car. We looked up several locksmiths, the only one local was not working that day. The McDonalds youth tried to break in to no avail, but one of the managers told us that a man named Brooks across the street had a kid and would open my door. We look across the street and see Napa Auto Parts. Sure. Sounds good. Nope, not Brooks. Brooks has the lean-to looking shack next door.

Brooks is amazing and I love him. $20 later, we were on our way to Hallelujah night

On our way to Hallelujah night

Max's class

On a horsey at Fall Fest. Best moment of his 3 years 30 days ever

This is what I had waiting for me when I picked them up from my parents. He was very proud of his teeth.

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Max and Jax. Jax is my friend Jackie's son. We were preggo at the same time and ended up with Jax and Max 6 weeks apart. Without even talking to each other, they both ended up being cowboys for Halloween. Wonder what other weird things Jackie and I will do just alike without discussing it????? Save the world? 

I ditched the family again.....

This time I took Rob. Well, Rob took me. I had to cancel a trip to Atlanta last February to see friends, and I still had the airline credit, so when Rob asked if I wanted to accompany him to Austin for a conference I said "yes please." At the time, 2 trips, 2 weeks in a row seemed like a good idea. And, in the end it was. But it was all kinds of stressful getting ready for both!!! And seeing as to how, if I don't work, I don't get paid, we're kinda poor, but oh well. Poor and happy. And rested. We're totally rested.

This time, the kids went to stay with my mom and dad. They only asked if it was time to go to Grammy's house about 37,003 times in the week prior. To say they were excited would be the biggest understatement of the year. I met my parents at a park halfway between my house and theirs. You know, so the kids could run and play before having to get back in the car. Aaaannnnnnnddd my kids basically told me to leave so they could hightail it to Grammy and Papa's house. I am pretty sure I remember Max saying "go get on your airplane mama."

We had a great time. I don't have a ton of pics, because A.)I suck and B.) Rob's convention supplied us with so many free drinks that I couldn't operate a camera most the time. I love Austin though. I don't want to drive in Austin as its full of interstates and roundabouts and such, but being picked up at the airport by a friend from high school (shout out: Corey!) and driven, first to the Hula Hut (fish tacos and skinny margarity: YUM) and then to our hotel and then picked back up (another shoutout COREY!!!!) and driven to Salt Lick rocked my face off. . Everything else we did we could either get on a bus or walk to. And, besides the "skinny" margaritas, everything else I shoved in my piehole (crepes, 2 days in a row) needed to be walked off! There is such good food and atmosphere, very friendly people and the most HUGE Whole Foods in the whole world

 

Airport at 5am. Would have been awesome if we were on the same flight (more on that later) and the coffee didn't taste like a$$.

This is the kind of good friend I am. This is Rob and I's friend, Corey. He's been my friend since we were in Catholic Youth together in the 9th grade. He and his wife met at Rob and I's wedding. He is holding his brand spanking new baby. Do I get an actual shot of my friend, baby, their other child or his wife, who I met at UCA when she roomed with one of my best friends? No, I take a picture of Corey's GIGANTIC ribeye and by chance get Corey and his newborn's arm. 

This is Salt Lick's fire pit. I had never heard of this place until that day, apparently Rob had as he called it a "Bucket List Item." It was really fun, while you wait, they have live music and you can bring your own beer and sit outside and chill. 

See? I'm the worst friend and vacationer ever!!! This is our other friend Cory. Cory's family and my family both migrated to Arkansas from Kansas at the same time. Our dads worked for a company that shipped us all south. I've been friend with this cat since we were busted sipping off our parents keg at a party when we were 5. Band, soccer, church, school. We did that all together. I realized, after meeting him and his girlfriend at Whole Foods that I had failed to get a picture, so I did the dumbest thing and took a pic of him driving us back to our hotel. And then I put it on our blog, Cause I'm classy.

How about some more food pictures? Because nothing says vacation like pictures of what you ate.

Nutella and Banana crepe. Rob and I basically inhale dairy when we are alone together because we can't with our kids around.

This was heaven in the form of ice cream rolled in coconut and pecans and coconut and smother in caramel sauce. Ever go to a restaurant and the waiter/waitress acts proud of you for ordering something?

 This did the trick.

Texas has magical things called Skinny Margaritas. Obviously from the last two pics I was needing to save calories whenever possible. I've had a Skinny Margarita or two, but they didn't hold a candle to this one, or the four others I drank while in Austin.

Kind of funny that I was reading a book about getting rid of excess while eating and drinking a little bit excessively. This wasn't exactly typical "vacation" read, but I heard this lady speak at my MOPS convention and bought her book the minute I got home. I am going to the library to see if they have any of her others because this book was awesome. Really eye opening. After I finished it, I got busy being a regular vacationer and read The Hunger Games. I like to do everything about a year behind everyone else.

After a couple of days of being touristy and seeing friends, it was time for Rob to go to his convention. 

Where he returned with this sort of swag. He had been talking to several people on the company that sponsors this convention's forum for years, so it was exciting for Rob to meet "friends" and be amongst his brethren. He says it was a good conference and he's already registered to go next year which is guy code for "it was awesome!!!" 

I'll leave you with this. Rob's people know how to throw a party and the last night I was there (I came home a day early to deal with Halloween) they had a huge shindig at a haunted pub. There was a live band and about 4 open bars, a magician, poker tables, cigar rollers, and......a caricature artist. The guy studied us intently to get it perfect. And then drew Angelina Jolie and Jesse The Body Ventura. I just can't stop laughing at this. I can't. Its impossible.